Managing Up, Across and Down

Earlier modules covered form. This one covers relationships. Most workplace friction is not caused by bad manners — it is caused by mismatched expectations. What you consider "keeping people posted" and what your manager considers it may differ by a week.

1. Upward: remove the need to chase you

Three principles for reporting

1. Bad news first, and early. Managers can absorb problems; what they can't absorb is learning about one on the day it detonates. A slip flagged in week one still has room to maneuver. Flagged on the deadline, it is only an autopsy.
2. Bring options, not just problems. "The vendor slipped a week. Two paths: do front-end integration first, or switch to the backup vendor. I'd take the first — need your call." Now the decision costs your manager ten seconds.
3. Conclusion first, detail on request. Give the one-line answer, then ask which part to expand. Their time is usually scarcer than yours.

Cadence. Most managers want neither constant approval-seeking nor silence. A workable default: weekly progress on long work, immediate updates at milestones, immediate flags on changes. Early in a new job, just ask: "How often would you like updates, and in what format?" The question itself scores points.

When handed something unreasonable, don't fight it and don't silently swallow it. Hand the prioritization back:

"I can take it, but I have A and B due Friday. If this comes first, A slips by two days — how would you like to sequence it?"

When you disagree with a decision: argue fully while it is being made, then execute without relitigating. If you believe the risk is serious, record it once in writing — factual, unemotional — and then execute.

2. Across: credit before cooperation

The recurring problem in cross-team work is that what you need isn't what the other team is measured on.

• Explain the impact, don't just place an order. "We need this to set Q3 spend — without it that decision stalls" gets prioritized faster than "can you pull a report?"
• Give a real deadline and a real priority, with slack built in. "By end of day Thursday" beats "ASAP."
• Use the proper channel. If there's a ticket queue, use it. Pulling strings to jump the line works once and poisons the queue for everyone after.
• Close the loop. "We used that data — conversion improved after the reallocation. Thank you." That sentence is worth more than ten generic thank-yous, because it tells someone their work mattered.
• Bank credit in advance. Being easy to work with when others need you is what makes you credible when you need them.

When you disagree, separate facts from interests. A factual dispute is settled with data. A conflict of interests (two teams with different goals) needs the level that can arbitrate — and escalating there is the correct path, not tattling, provided you tell your counterpart first: "Neither of us can decide this, let's bring both leads in."

3. Downward: what changes when you manage

Once you lead a team, your offhand remarks acquire weight. "Maybe look at that next week" can be received as a directive.

• Criticize privately, praise publicly. Criticism delivered in front of others is remembered as humiliation, not as content.
• Every assignment needs three things: the outcome, the deadline, and the hard constraints. Drop any one and both sides pay for the rework.
• Don't skip levels in either direction without telling the person in between.
• Don't ask about private matters — relationships, family plans, household finances. In many jurisdictions this is not only rude but legally risky.
• Keep your promises. Raises, promotions and transfers you committed to and cannot deliver need an explanation before the date, not after. A manager's most expensive asset is being believed.

4. Shared space

Small things that people quietly keep score on:

• Keep calls in open-plan areas audible only within a couple of meters; take long ones elsewhere.
• Ask before borrowing, and return things where you found them.
• Leave shared kitchens, fridges and printers as you found them.
• Keep strong-smelling food away from desks.
• When someone is heads-down or wearing headphones, message rather than tap them on the shoulder.
• Don't come in sick. Nobody will read staying home as a lack of commitment.

Common mistakes

• Treating a good relationship as a reason to skip process. The closer the colleague, the more worth writing things down — that's what protects the relationship when something goes wrong.
• Chronic complaining. Sustained venting in channels and kitchens makes you look like part of the problem.
• Claiming credit, deflecting blame. Do either once and people remember for years.
• Over-promising. Saying yes to avoid disappointing someone today always costs more than saying "I can't take that on."

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One line to remember: upward, remove the need to chase you; across, be someone who is reliable; downward, make the standard explicit.