Business Dining and Social Events

A business meal is never about the food. It is about building trust in a setting looser than a conference room. So the measure of success isn't how precisely the ritual was followed — it's whether everyone at the table was comfortable, especially the guest of honor and whoever is least at ease socially.

1. Chinese banquets

Seating

• The seat facing the door is the host's, taken by the most senior person on the hosting side.
• The principal guest sits to the host's right, the second guest to the left.
• The deputy host sits opposite, near the service entrance, and handles ordering, staff and the bill.
• Practical advice: wait to be seated. Taking the host's chair is a conspicuous error.

Ordering

• The host orders, but asks about restrictions first — allergies, religious requirements (halal, vegetarian), medical needs. That question matters far more than the dishes.
• Balance meat, vegetables, soup and a staple; order slightly more than needed, never exactly enough.
• Offering the menu to the principal guest for a dish or two is standard courtesy; if they decline, don't press.

At the table

• Use serving chopsticks and spoons — now the norm. Provide them as well as use them.
• Turn the lazy Susan clockwise, guest of honor first, and check that nobody is mid-reach.
• Don't place food in someone's bowl with your own chopsticks; use the serving set or ask for plated portions.
• Phones off the table; take calls outside.
• Keep the conversation light. Substantive business is usually handled before or after the meal, not mid-toast.

Toasting

• The host toasts first, then others in order of seniority. When toasting someone senior, hold your glass rim slightly below theirs.
• Say something specific — thanks for the collaboration, wishes for the project — rather than "I'll finish mine, you do as you like."
• Do not push drinks on anyone. In China this is no longer only a matter of manners: pressuring someone into drinking has produced real liability findings, and organizers carry the most exposure.

Declining a drink

• Be direct, brief, and offer a substitute: "I'm on medication, so tea for me tonight — let me toast you first."
• "I'm driving" and "doctor's orders" are widely accepted and need no elaboration.
• What actually matters is the gesture: stand, hold the glass with both hands, look at the person, say your line. Do that and almost nobody registers what's in the glass.
• As host, provide non-alcoholic options and say up front that nobody is expected to drink.

The bill: settle it in advance or step away quietly. Letting guests witness a scramble over the check is an organizing failure.

2. Western and international settings

• Work cutlery from the outside in, one set per course. Knife and fork together at roughly four o'clock signals you're finished; apart means pausing.
• Napkin on your lap once seated, on your chair if you step away, to the left of the plate at the end.
• Bread is torn into pieces and buttered one at a time, not bitten whole.
• Spoon soup away from you, quietly. Audible eating is a clear negative in Western settings.
• A toast is usually a short word from the host; everyone raises a glass, touches or nods, and takes a sip. There is no expectation to empty the glass.
• Splitting the bill is common socially in the US and Europe and implies nothing about respect. In business settings, the inviting party still pays.
• Tipping varies: roughly 18–20% in US restaurants, none in Japan, and service usually included in much of Europe. Check local practice before you travel.

3. Receptions, mixers and company parties

The hard part here isn't manners — it's starting and ending conversations.

Opening: use the shared situation. "That talk was interesting — what did you make of it?" Don't lead with a card and a pitch.

Sustaining: ask more than you tell. Letting the other person talk makes you more memorable, not less.

Closing — the step most people skip. Say a clear line and move:

"It was good talking — I'm going to go say hello to a few people. I'll follow up online."

Never let a conversation die by silence or by checking your phone.

Other details:

• Hold your glass in your left hand so your right stays dry for handshakes.
• Stand open to the room; in a group, leave a gap so others can join.
• Take part in party games without forcing anyone else to; if you're organizing, avoid anything involving physical contact or personal disclosure.
• Getting drunk is the one hard line. A single loss of composure can undo years of professional credit. Set yourself a limit and switch to water when you hit it.

Common mistakes

• Treating dinner as the negotiation. Terms agreed late in the evening get re-examined by both sides in the morning.
• Attending only to the guest of honor. Look after everyone, especially the quietest person at the table.
• Pressing food on people. Repeatedly filling someone's bowl and asking why they aren't eating creates pressure.
• Ignoring dietary restrictions. Seating a Muslim colleague in front of a table of pork is both unrecoverable and entirely avoidable.

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One line to remember: a business meal is judged not by how many toasts you gave, but by whether everyone left feeling looked after.